How to Deal with Bullies – Part One – The Root of the Problem

The first in this series begins by getting to the root of the bully problem. The bottom line of why there are bullies in this world (other than the fact that we humans have a selfish sinful nature) is the breakdown of the family.

So many aspects of our lives separate parents from children. School, work, divorce, church and other activities all separate kids from their parents. Many families have both parents working jobs. So usually within six to eight weeks of birth, children are placed in a daycare. Kids are being raised by someone who is not their parent. Next it is on to school. Churches also often separate families. Most social activities separate families as well. One kid has band practice, another has soccer practice and another has scouts. Parents are running their children all over the place from activity to activity.

We as parents have contributed to this problem of separation by believing the lie that children should “be with their peers.” They need to be “properly socialized.” Really? We were ingrained with this line of thought early in our lives and we are teaching it to our kids. I have seen time and time again that when children are placed in these situations that a “pecking order” always is established. This is the environment where bullies thrive. We put our kids there and yet we haven’t properly equipped them to deal with it.

Let’s take it deeper. Have you ever come into a room, not like what is happening, and then tower over your kids and be a bully to them? Have you used your size or your authority to intimidate them into getting what you want? Have you ever yelled at your kids? Have you bullied your children? If so, that needs to stop now, because you are training them to be a bully. You are teaching them that how you just dealt with the situation is the way to do it. They will imitate what you do. Bullies exist because their relationships with parents and others has been unhealthy. The breakdown of the family creates both bullies and victims.

So what do we do? You are the one who chose to be a parent, so take responsibility for it. Be your child’s parent, not their “friend.” Equip them to succeed. Instill confidence into them. Get involved in your children’s lives and stay involved. If both parents choose to work outside the home, you have to make up the that time with your children. Find activities that you can do together such as karate, golf or simply go the park and play catch. Spend time with your kids! Talk to them!

Now for you single parents, my heart goes out to you. You have a difficult task. If possible, both parents of that child need to be involved in the child’s life. If that is not possible, then you need to find someone who is willing to be a positive role model for your child and will spend time with them.

Parents – You have to be the greatest influence in their lives, or someone else will be.