How to Deal With Bullies – Part Four – Boundaries

Welcome to Part Four in our series of How to Deal With Bullies entitled Boundaries.  Boundaries is where we draw a line in the sand in our relationships and we deal directly with anyone who crosses it.

All of us need to set boundaries in our relationships.  If we don’t, people will walk all over us.  Have you ever seen someone in a relationship where the other person is in complete control?  Most of us have.  Maybe you have been controlled by someone or you have controlled someone.  That is unhealthy plain and simple.  It is bullying.

You see this everywhere.  Husbands, wives, parents, children, boyfriends, girlfriends, friends, schoolmates, and also in the workplace with bosses, employers, employees and co-workers.

Let me give you a few examples.  A husband coming home and displaying irritation or even belittling his wife if the dinner isn’t ready or the house isn’t clean.  Parents may intimidate, bully or try to control their children to get them to do chores or to behave.  I have seen children rule the house and parents let them get away with whatever they want.  Kids not eating what is set before them or asking for something again and again until their parents cave in to their wishes.  Boyfriends keeping girlfriends from seeing their friends or family.  Schoolmates picking on and intimidating others.  How about the workplace?  I was so close to punching my foreman about 20 years ago for his constant yelling at me and other employees.  He was twice my size and I didn’t know karate back then, but I would have at least thrown one good punch before he pummeled me.  Maybe there is sexual harassment in the office taking place.

In all of the above examples boundaries need to be set.  If boundaries are not established, one of two things will happen.  Either the bullying and controlling will continue and often get worse or the one being bullied will one day explode.  This is when someone shows up with a gun and starts shooting.

OK, now that we see where lines are crossed , let’s set some boundaries.  The first, foremost and primary boundary everyone should set is the word NO.  No means no.  Let me say that again.  NO means NO!  How do we apply this?  Anytime when someone does something that makes you feel uncomfortable, you need to vocalize that.  Sometimes people will do things intentionally to make you feel uncomfortable just to test your reaction and see if they can go further.  Other times it may simply be ignorance on their part about how it makes you feel and a simple no is sufficient to stop the situation.  In either case, set the boundary of no and stand your ground.

Husbands and wives need to love, respect and honor each other, not control or belittle.  Parents need to establish rules in the house that are clear for their children to follow.  Friends and schoolmates – respect each other and stand up for each other.  In the workplace, check your company’s policy (if they have one) for how to properly handle workplace relationship conflicts.

Stand up for yourself.  Have confidence.  Set your boundaries.